If You Love Something
by xShanastay
Summary: If you love something, let it go. If it is meant to be yours, it will return. If it does not return, it was never yours. Companion Piece to The Crux of the Problem detailing Legolas' POV of events in that story.
1. If You Love Someting

Disclaimer: (In the spirit of Crimson Starlight)

Shana: Here we are! The long-awaited companion fic to _The Crux of the Problem_.

Corvis: Who are you talking to?

Shana: Well, you the reader of course.

Corvis: ….

Shana: I own nothing other than my own original character and the plot of course. All else belongs to the god that is JRR Tolkien.

Corvis: NRTY.

Haldir: sticks head in Someone say "NRTY?"

Corvis: waves hand in air NRTY!

Glorfindel: shoves Haldir into room I thought I heard "NRTY!"

Corvis: now jumping up and down waving hand in air NRTY NRTY NRTY!

Shana: ahem Hon, that would be NERTY with them involved.

Corvis: stops, wide-eyed NERTY? grins NERTY! drags Haldir out door, clothes flying everywhere

Glorfindel: to Shana NERTY?

Shana: Naked Elf Run Through Yard as opposed to Naked Run Through Yard. looks suspicious You haven't been eating chocolate again have you?

Glorfindel: smirks No, but I gave some to him points out window at naked Haldir being drug through yard by Corvis

Shana: Oh dear.

**Chapter 1: If You Love Something…**

Trying to head this off Legolas went looking for Janessa. With the way the music was throbbing in his head she _had_ to be extremely angry with him. Their link resulted in a kind of touch telepathy, sharing their thoughts with physical contact. For him to be hearing this particular song over and over she had to be actively broadcasting it as she was currently nowhere within sight.

She must have figured that Stabbing Westward's _Save Yourself _was just obnoxious enough to irritate him while conveying some message she wasn't willing or ready to talk to him about.

_I know your life is empty  
And you hate to face this world alone _

Janessa literally stomped around her room, collecting all her belongings and packing them away in her saddlebags. She moved with swift efficiency, knowing the twins would be awaiting her arrival by the front entrance, having gone ahead to prep the horses.

_So you're searching for an angel  
Someone who can make you whole _

Legolas veritably stalked through the halls of the Last Homely House, heading toward the wing Janessa had requested to be moved to, away from his rooms.

_I can not save you _

Unconsciously the Prince was registering the automatically translated words of her choice in "Soundtracks." That was one advantage of their link, that directly communicated thoughts were simply understood in each of their own languages. Janessa had been having a time of it adjusting to hearing and translating Sindarin.

_I can't even save myself  
So just save yourself_

Valar! Are we back on THIS again? Can I do nothing right in this blasted woman's eyes? I offer her the moon and the stars and she SLAPS me! The blonde archer did not even register the myriad of elves dodging out of his way as he stormed his way toward Janessa, he was so focused on his goal. _What has set her off this time? Have I not given her enough time, space, understanding and Valar know what else she needs?_

_I know that you've been damaged  
Your soul has suffered such abuse _

Done packing, Janessa shouldered her weapons, giving her bow an affectionate stroke before swinging it around her body. She gave one final glance around the room, making sure she hadn't missed anything. _I don't know who's gonna be more surprised to see me, Rumil or Haldir. I guess I will just have to wait and see._ With that she swept out of the room, not bothering with a backward glance.

_But I am not your savior  
I am just as fucked as you  
(I am just as fucked as you)_

Janessa hadn't made it very far when she, almost literally, ran into Legolas.

_I can not save you _

Fed up and emotionally strung out Legolas caught hold of her arm and tried to pull her back to the room she had just vacated.

_I can't even save myself  
So just save yourself_

Janessa pulled back. "Let GO of me or I WILL scream!"

"What is your _problem_?" the Prince demanded, still grasping her arm, his grip getting tighter by the moment.

"Let GO of me or I WILL scream!"

Beyond frustrated and only now spotting the saddlebags slung over her other arm Legolas made as if to take the burdens from her.

_Please don't take pity on me  
Please don't take pity on me _

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Janessa cried, trying to escape the visibly disturbed elf. When that didn't work she made good on her threat, opening her mouth and lungs to emit a shriek that would have made a banshee proud.

_Please don't take pity on me  
Please don't take pity on me_

Legolas' reaction was immediate, the Prince dropping her arm to cover both of his ringing ears. She had angled her face for maximum effect, his left ear taking the brunt of the auditory impact.

_Enough is enough! _Now free, the woman stalked away from the elf before he could regain his senses and give chase.

_My life has been a nightmare  
My soul is fractured to the bone _

It took several beats for the Prince to regain his senses, shaking his head to clear the remaining ringing. That damn song still throbbed in the back of his mind, the redhead obviously still broadcasting her displeasure to him.

_And if I must be lonely, _

_I think I'd rather be alone  
(I think I'd rather be alone)_

Janessa was just about to exit the edifice when Legolas caught up to her. The confrontation moved outside as she refused to stop until he juxtaposed himself between her and the waiting Peredhil twins.

"Where are you going?" the blonde archer demanded.

_You can not save me _

"Away from you," the redhead answered flippantly, trying to go around the agitated elf.

Legolas got in her way again. "Where are you going?" he persisted.

_You can't even save yourself _

Rolling her eyes the woman exhaled an audible sigh. Finally meeting his gaze she responded, "Lothlorien. Can I go now?"

The Prince's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You are going to find _him_."

That was it. Something in Jan snapped her right hand coming up so fast Legolas had no chance to block or dodge as the open palm slapped into the side of his face with a resounding, "SMACK!"

The woman made no attempt to feign ignorance of who the Sinda was referring to. Teeth bared Janessa snarled, "You PIG! You _dare_ accuse me of cheating when it was _you_ who brought him to our bed!"

_I can not save you _

Shocked and wide-eyed Legolas stood there rather dumbly, rubbing the offended side of his face as Janessa continued to rage at him. _Well I **did** in a manner ask for this._

"All I wanted was some time and space to think, get my head clear, figure things out. I'm going to see _Rumil_! Being the _Marchwarden_, Haldir will most likely be on the borders! Paranoid much?" The woman relented, but only slightly. "And you say _I_ have confidence issues."

Meeting the elf's gaze directly she continued, "You know more about me than anyone. You understand what I have suffered through, the betrayals in particular and you dare accuse me of infidelity?"

Legolas had the presence of mind to look appropriately chagrined. Her next words made his blood run cold.

"We. Are. Not. Married. I have made you no promises and broached no expectations. I have made _no_ commitment to you and did _not_ ask for this infernal connection we share. You _assumed_ that I am meant to be yours. _Assumed._ To use a euphemism from my home, 'You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of _you _and _me_.' Think about _that_ while I'm gone." With that she swept past him, proceeding down the steps to where Elrohir and Elladan awaited her.

_I can't even save myself  
Save yourself   
So just save yourself_

Elladan took the redhead's saddlebags from her, turning to secure them to her saddle.

Legolas turned to watch her go in silence, the music that had been throbbing in the back of his mind suddenly gone.

Elrohir stepped forward to the woman's side as she reached up to stroke the forelock of the midnight black stallion the twins had talked their father into giving her. Ebony, as she'd named him, tossed his head, nudging the woman's shoulder. "Spoiled brat," she muttered, producing a small red apple from a pocket and offering it to the magnificent animal. The horse graciously accepted the gift, noisily crunching it.

"Are you sure of this?" Elrohir asked gently, throwing a wary glance over the woman's shoulder at the blonde archer still hovering in the entranceway.

Refusing to look, Janessa simply nodded her eyes and hands focused on scratching an itchy spot on Ebony's neck.

Satisfied that the bundles were secure Elladan moved past the redhead and his brother, pausing only long enough to place a chaste kiss in the top of the woman's head and murmur, "Let's go."

Janessa waved Elrohir off as she struggled to mount her much taller steed, finally managing to haul herself into the saddle.

The twins turned identical stormy glares at Legolas, their disappointment in his handling of the situation more than evident, before turning and mounting their own steeds, heading out of Imladris, Elladan in the lead, Elrohir to the rear and Janessa between them.

The fiery redhead did not bother to look back even once at the lonely figure standing at the top of the flight of stairs, resolve keeping her head up and back straight.

Legolas refused to let the despair he was feeling well up as he watched the human woman ride out of sight with two of his most trusted friends. He knew Elrohir and Elladan had no machinations on her. They'd already tried to lure her and found the affection shared was that of siblings, not lovers. _Haldir on the other hand…_ The Prince pushed the unwanted thought away, as his lover disappeared from view.

--------

A/N: The story title comes from the quote, "If you love something, let it go. If it is meant to be yours, it will return. If it does not return, it was never yours." -unknown


	2. Left Behind

Disclaimer:

Shana: gazing out window wistfully at her friend gallivanting with a very naked Haldir

Glorfindel: You could join them.

Shana: sigh Just not up for it. Too much bad stuff has been going on in the past year. I don't own my friends or any Tolkien recognizable characters. Janessa _is_ mine.

Glorfindel: Nice segue. Stop dwelling on all that.

Shana: Why? eyebrow It makes for great fuel for this uber-angsty fic.

Glorfindel: Point. However, it's going to eat you alive if you don't take your mind off this "bad stuff."

Shana: What? You gonna makes air quotes distract me?

Glorfindel: leers That could be arranged…

Shana: Uh oh.

Corvis: oblivious, naked, cavorting on lawn with chocolate-hyped Haldir

**Chapter 2: Left Behind**

_Haldir on the other hand…_

Legolas stood at the top of the flight of stairs leading into the Last Homely House. He couldn't tear his gaze away from the receding view of his human lover. Resolutely, he pushed back the niggling tendrils of despair that threatened to spread through him. Unmoving, he remained rooted to that spot until Janessa was finally out of sight.

Spinning on his heel, the archer kept his face blank and impassive as he strode back into the edifice and toward his rooms. He ignored the many stares and whispers he garnered with his passage, all too aware that the impact of Janessa's hand had left a clear handprint on the side of his face.

Those who had not borne furtive witness to the altercation had likely heard the redhead's very loud remonstrations. More than one elfin face broached visible censure for the Prince's behavior of late.

It wasn't the first fight they'd had in recent weeks. Ironically enough, it wasn't even the worst one. And every single time he had been deemed the "bad guy." Somehow it was _his entire fault_. As if there was something wrong with him wanting to make their already existing bond permanent.

Even Glorfindel had been displaying a certain level of disgust with the Prince. The seneschal's departure for Imladris' borders had preceded Janessa's by only days.

_Maybe she's…_

Legolas tossed aside that errant thought. The redhead and the balrog-slayer had become fast friends, but nothing more. As intriguing as the Elda found Jan, he was ever the consummate bachelor.

The blonde archer just wasn't sure what to make of everything.

Everyone had told him, "Give it time. Don't rush anything." Did it not matter that he loved her? Why should her feelings be considered above his? Even Elrond had told him to have patience. "You have all of eternity to explore your feelings, this relationship. Let things unfold naturally, over time."

Did no one consider the fact that Janessa was human, and therefore mortal? Eternity wasn't exactly an option for them. Unless everyone else knew something he did not.

That telling thought put a check in his stride.

_Does everyone know something I do not? No, that can't be it. _

The blonde archer dismissed that line of reasoning, once again moving toward his rooms.

Janessa had been different of late. First distancing herself emotionally from him, then physically by moving to the other side of Elrond's house, and now by leaving Imladris altogether.

He was losing her, he just knew it.

And all because he simply could not rein in his irrational jealousy and possessiveness. Yes, he'd been protective of the woman since her arrival in Middle Earth. But who could blame him? If they considered for just a moment everything she had been through, including the manner in which she came to be there, it was obvious that she needed to be taken care of.

That was all fine and dandy to begin with. The redhead had welcomed his protection, even encouraged it. At first. As she'd started to pull away, most noticeably after that interlude with Haldir, he'd had to change tactics, finding new ways to keep her close. His behavior hadn't gone unnoticed. She'd put up with it… until she caught him spying on her, Rumil and Haldir.

The trio had been lazing around one of Imladris' many secluded gardens, telling "big fish" stories, as the redhead referred to them. The varied tales all held a grain of truth to them, but pride and time had distorted the actual facts. The storytelling had escalated to the point of each trying to outdo the last in flamboyance and sheer charisma. The absurdity of it was undeniably amusing.

Janessa had fallen back onto the grass, doubled up with laughter at the overblown impersonation Haldir was performing of Elrond. Jan could just see the lord in question arching one dark brow and muttering something like, "Elflings," under his breath. Gasping for air, she'd looked up into the tree above her, into crystal blue eyes. Her laughter had immediately cut off, a scowl growing on her features.

Rolling to her feet, she'd addressed her question to the canopy.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing up there? Were you spying on me? Do you have so little faith in me?"

A contrite Legolas had dropped out of the tree and silently accepted the tongue-lashing he'd earned. The other elves had looked on in open irritation at the blonde archer's behavior.

He'd had to be a lot more careful in how he went about spying after that.

But again, she'd managed to catch him at it more than once. Granted, it had been his own fault that he couldn't seem to control his overprotective impulses. And he'd never been one to be paranoid before. Then again, he'd never been involved with a human.

Legolas threw open the door to his rooms, the solid piece of wood rebounding off the wall with an impressive bang. He caught it as it swung back, slamming it shut with a resounding crash. He imagined more than a few elves were clamping their hands over their offended ears at the noise.

He made his way toward his private bathing chamber, shedding clothes as he went. It was as he reached the edge of the sunken pool that the shaking began. It started as the smallest tremor in his abdomen and radiated outward until his whole body was engaged. Wanting to believe that he'd just caught a chill, ignoring the fact that elves didn't catch chills, he slipped swiftly into the steaming water.

It was only once he had settled in the bath that he registered the moisture tracking down his face. Touching his face in wonder, he realized he was crying, and probably had been for a while.

The blonde archer let his head fall back against the edge of the pool. Secure in the secluded sanctuary, he let the roiling emotions he'd been holding back pour forth. Caught by the cresting wave, muted sobs broke from his chest as he relinquished any semblance of control.

-----------------------------------------

Jan pitched forward in her saddle. The tide of unrestrained grief that broke over her took her breath away. Knowing full well that the emotions weren't hers, she realized that Legolas had finally comprehended the enormity of the situation. He must have realized just how badly he'd mucked things up.

Elrohir and Elladan moved to flank the redhead, making sure she was indeed alright. The two elves shared a concerned look over her head, as she waved them back, righting herself in her seat.

Janessa firmly and carefully set aside that part of her mind that was receiving Legolas' emotions. The feelings now muted whispers in her mind; she firmed her resolve to stay the course she'd plotted. She was not turning back. Not after everything else. Nodding to her two companions, she dug her heels into Ebony's sides, spurring the horse from a fast trot to a ground-eating gallop.

The trio set a hard, demanding pace, in agreement that they shouldn't linger in the wilds. While the Dark Lord Sauron had been defeated, there still were errant bands of marauders that wouldn't hesitate to set upon unwary travelers.

They rode into the night, stopping only to answer the call of nature and finally when Janessa nearly fell off Ebony, dozing as she was in the saddle.

That set the tone for the duration of the trip, a quiet, somber one with each lost in their own thoughts.

TBC.

A/N: I'm hoping to get this fic finally written and completed within the next couple months. I still need to finish the final chapter of _The Crux of the Problem_ as well, but I've been making some headway of late. No, life hasn't actually really improved, but I'm surviving and trying to escape the "bad shit" by writing.

Please leave me a review. The feedback lets me know that there are still people out there interested in my writing (on hiatus as it's been).


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